Secondary Infertility: The IUI failed, not you

Its taken me a while to write this because for one, I've been battling my brain and the thoughts of failure. Failure because I felt like my body failed me. I failed. I personally know a few people whom their IUI didn't work on the first try but somewhere deep down inside of me I thought I would be different. I knew the chances of it actually working were slim and as much as I tried not to get my hopes up, up they were. For months we were waiting for that moment and finally, I thought our infertility journey was over. From timing my period, blood tests, x-rays, ultrasounds, to ovulation medication, I thought everything would finally work in our favor. Two weeks later still no period. I called my NP and explained that I never got my period yet and they suggested I wait over the weekend. I had to call back on Monday to either take a pregnancy test or go back on the ovulation medication. Well, it was the latter. 

My period came that weekend and Monday morning I called to refill my prescription. As disappointed for us as our NP was, she actually said "honestly, I would be more shocked if you did get pregnant". I guess most people don't get pregnant on the first try and the more you do it, the better your chances. As disappointed as we both were she ended the conversation by saying "stick with me, we'll keep trying". So, another round of meds, another month we wait. 

Next month rolls around and I had to buy another ovulation kit. If you've ever used the Clear Blue digital kits you know how pricey they can get. Irritated to have to pay to try to get pregnant I started testing. The Clear Blue kits give you a blinking/flashing happy face which means high fertility and a constant/non flashing happy face meaning peak fertility. The month prior I didn't have the blinking happy face. It went from nothing to peak so I was a bit confused as to what to do. I called the office and spoke to the nurse. She booked an appointment for the next morning since they can only do 3 or so IUI's a day. My NP called that afternoon to discuss the different happy faces and asked that I test again that afternoon. If I didn't have the constant happy face then to wait another day. If I did, then I would come in originally as planned. Well, Titan was picking Jet up from school that day and usually they just wait around or run to Walmart while they wait an extra hour for me to get off work. Since we had plans later that night and weren't planning on being home until later, I had him go home, pick up my ovulation kit, and bring it with him when he picked me up. Reluctantly he did and I tested in our school bathroom. 

Sure enough, I was peaking. We went on with the rest of our evening and thought to try get pregnant the old fashion way. Knowing we had an IUI scheduled the next morning, I remember our NP saying the more the better so that's what we did. 

The next morning, Titan provided his sample and two hours later I showed up for my IUI. I go into the room, everything was same as last time and a doctor comes in (my NP was off that day). She asks how I'm doing and asks me to sit up. Ok, this can't be good. She explains how they received the sample from my husband but when the lab did the wash there was barely anything there. She asked if my husband was feeling ok because they did see some red blood cells so she thought he was fighting off an infection. I called him and he explained that everything was normal and he did exactly what he was supposed to do. How could one go from 38 million to barely nothing? Bewildered she asked if I wanted to follow through with the IUI even though my chances were pretty nonexistent at this point. I told her we didn't need to and she performed my normal pap smear since I was due anyway. 

Disappointed I walked back to my car in disbelief. I was numb because I didn't want to allow myself to feel anything. I called my sister and explained what happened and went to treat myself to a poke bowl to make me feel better. I went back to work and carried on with the rest of my day. My doctor calls me back two weeks later and asks to pick up my ovulation meds since a holiday weekend was coming up. I agreed and waited for my period to come, yet again. 

Secondary Infertility: Medication and IUI procedure

I had my HSG test done in late January and I was told many people get pregnant after that. The procedure itself doesn't claim to clean out your tubes but coincidentally this is what happens to many people. I was hopeful. My tubes were clear and all our tests came back normal. I thought to myself this should do the trick, this is going to be my month, and I'll have my October baby. 

February came and I was diligent in doing my ovulation tests. The entire month of February and no rise in LH (luteinizing hormone). Because of this, it means I didn't ovulate. February went and no period. March started and I had an appointment to take my first dose of the COVID vaccine. Since I didn't get a period in February I spoke to my infertility Nurse Practitioner and she gave me the option of starting a medication to jump start my period. Because I knew I had my second vaccine in a few weeks we decided to hold off. I didn't want to be on all this medication and the possibility of being pregnant and get my second vaccine. I'm glad I waited because my period came naturally at the end of March. 

I called my Nurse Practitioner and I've never heard someone so excited for me to have a period. I was a bit confused because having a period meant I wasn't pregnant but she assured me that in my case, a period was a good thing. It meant my body is doing what it's supposed to do and I didn't need extra help. On the third day of my period she prescribed me Letrozole to help me ovulate. It was an itty bitty tablet (like birth control size) I took once a day for five days. During these five days I did get my second dose of the COVID vaccine and thankfully didn't have any major side effects. 

The next week I started testing again for ovulation. For four days straight I got nothing. Then I woke up Friday morning with a big SMILEY FACE, it was go time! I called my Nurse Practitioner and they wanted us to come in right away. 

Titan rushed home to produce his sample and drove our future hopeful baby to the lab. They performed a sperm wash (separate the sperm from the other stuff) and two hours later I found myself on the table preparing to "get pregnant". 

This time, my Nurse Practitioner was the one to perform the procedure so it was nice to have a familiar face. She came into the room bragging on how proud she was of Titan. I think she even called him a rockstar at one point (more on that later). She talked me through exactly what would happen and started the procedure. The clamp was used and a few cotton swipes to clean me out. She inserted a catheter and down (or up) went my little swimmers. She held it in place for a few minutes and next thing I knew we were done. She had me lay there with my hips elevated for 20 minutes just to allow the swimmers to do their thing. After the 20 minutes she asked me if I wanted to see a part of my husband I probably have never seen before. I agreed and she took me to the back where she had set up a microscope. 

She explained that there's always a drop left of the sample and she smeared this drop on to those clear things to look under the microscope. I looked in and saw my little swimmers! There were so many of them! According to the Nurse, Titan provided 38 million of them to be somewhat exact! She zoomed in closer and I saw the activity even better. Some weren't moving (dead), some were swimming in circles (crazy ones), and others were swimming in a straight line (those we like). She said there was a good amount of them swimming in a straight line so Titan had a good batch! As I left the office she reminded me to have a relaxing weekend and have lots of sex! Now for a blood test in a week and a pregnancy test the week after. Prayers are much appreciated :)

Future hopeful baby in that little tube!

Secondary Infertility: HSG x-ray

Two days after my pelvic ultrasound appointment I had the dreaded HSG x-ray. I googled the heck out of it so I knew what to expect and all I heard were horror stories. I even talked to a friend who had this procedure done and it got me even more anxious. Going into the appointment I took two advil pills because I heard it's good to take something 30 min-1 hour beforehand to possibly eliminate any discomfort. I got checked in and used the bathroom (the last thing I wanted was to pee all over the table while this procedure was happening). I quickly got called back and the x-ray tech was so sweet. We had some small talk and she even put on some music to help distract me. 

The Radiologist finally arrived and he talked through every step with me. First, he cleaned everything down there and made sure I didn't touch the towels they had on me since they were considered "sterile". He placed the clamp on (similar to what they use for a pap smear) and slowly inserted a thin tube all the way to the opening of my cervix. The radiologist constantly checked in on me and talked me through everything. At one point he asked if I felt pressure and I responded with a "not really". This somewhat concerned him because usually you feel something so he knows he's far up enough. He then squeezed a balloon type thing filled with dye into the tube. We watched as the dye spread through my fallopian tubes and how it spilled out on both sides. This was a good thing because it meant that there were no blockages in my tubes. 

All in all the procedure lasted about 6-7 minutes (if that). There was minor pressure but nothing really to write about (everyone has different experiences). I got changed and headed home expecting to feel cramping but there wasn't any. I guess after experiencing contractions and actually delivering a baby there's nothing that really compares to the pain I've felt before. They advise you not to submerge in water or have sex for a whole day to eliminate infection but nothing I couldn't live without. Next, we do the deed and try to get pregnant. 

Something cool I learned was that fallopian tubes don't really look like bull horns. They're actually small squiggly lines and not so much big round things we normally see in textbooks. Here is a photo of my x-ray with the tube inserted and the ink spilling out. 

Secondary Infertility: The first pelvic ultrasound

About an hour and a half before your appointment they make you empty your bladder. After doing so, you have to drink 30 oz. of water in 30 minutes. To some that may be easy but for me it was torture. I already don't get enough water in my system so I felt like I was going to drown. I timed it right where I would eat my lunch during those 30 minutes so it was easier for me to drink water. Then, you wait. You can't use the bathroom prior to your appointment and again it wasn't so bad at first. As I pulled into the parking lot the urge came. I rushed to diagnostic imaging and of course there were 3 people in front of me. At this point, I was doing the pee dance and even had to sit on a chair to hold it in. I seriously thought I was going to pee in front of everyone! I threw my medical card onto the counter and told the receptionist, I have to do that ultrasound thing and I drank a bunch of water but I really have to pee! She called the x-ray tech and notified her about my situation and gave me the ok to release a little. I guess she could tell from the look in my eyes and me hunched over with my legs crossed that I wasn't going to be able to hold it across the building to the nearest restroom so, she let me use on their bathrooms. I kid you not, it flowed like the Jordan river. A few minutes later I was called back for my appointment. 

I've had ultrasounds before (ummm... hello, I've had a baby before) but I was still anxious. I knew what an abdominal ultrasound was like but I've never had a transvaginal one done. The abdominal one is like what you see in the movies. A warm gel is placed on your belly and they have a tool (scanner looking thing the size of a hand scanner you see while checking out at the grocery store) that can see your insides. Nothing major.

Then the ultrasound tech handed me this huge wand looking thing. Seriously, it looked 2 feet long. She said "ok I'm going to hand this to you under the blanket and you're going to stick it in" I responded "like a tampon?" She chuckled and said yes. It wasn't as bad as I thought nor did it hurt like I thought but she was in there for a little. A little cramping and a little pressure and discomfort but nothing major. I did take an Aleve before my appointment so that may have something to do with it. She probed and moved the wand left and right. Within 20 minutes the appointment was over. Thank goodness because sure enough I had to pee again!

                         

Secondary infertility is STILL infertility

 I've been a bit anxious opening up about this but I told myself I wanted to start writing more in 2021 so here it goes...

In 2016 we were blessed with a healthy baby boy. Well, now that baby is four going on fourteen and we've been longing to grow our family. I always wanted my kids close in age 2, maybe 3 year apart, but unfortunately that wasn't in the cards for us. I had a bad pregnancy the first time around and I remember telling myself "I don't know why anyone would want to put themselves through this again knowing what it was like the first time". From nausea to actually loosing weight from throwing up so much, to 3.5 hours of pushing and breast engorgement from clogged ducts you name it, I had it. I often blame myself for the reason why we haven't been able to get pregnant again. Thoughts like "if I hadn't complained so much" or "why does my body hate me so much" are often played in my head but I have to keep telling myself to Trust in HIS plan and not mine.

So here we are 2 years of trying and 1 year of really trying and still no sibling for Jet. We've had numerous conversations about how far we really wanted to go with treatments and finally made the appointment to meet with an infertility specialist. At the end of 2020, literally December 28, we met with the specialist and she asked us a bunch of questions regarding our medical history and family medical history. She developed a plan of action starting with taking vitamins (Irene: Omega - 3, CoQ10, D3, prenatal and Titan: Omega - 3, CoQ10, D3, Mens multi-vitamin). We started those and I developed a rash in my underarms and me and the ladies room got to know each other really well - I'll leave that part up to your imagination. I recently stopped the CoQ10 and my rash has disappeared and I no longer frequent the restroom. 

Next, she ordered a bunch of tests. First, Titan had to do a semen analysis. He complained about it but seriously, all he needed to do was provide a sample in a cup. His results came back normal and we learned that he has many healthy swimmers. Us ladies, we have it a bit harder. Some tests include an ultrasound (both abdominal and vaginal) to check your ovaries and uterus. 7-10 days after the start of your period you do a HSG test where they insert dye into your fallopian tubes to see if they're open or blocked. Both men and women have to do some blood tests. Once we get the results back of all the tests we'll develop another plan of action. This could include several rounds of IUI and eventually IVF. Since we already have one kid we (more-so me) decided we'll go as far as IUI but didn't want to do IVF. 

I'll document more of my journey here so feel free to check back for updates. Here's to hoping to introduce you to a new healthy sibling for Jet by the end of this year or early next year!

Traveling with a toddler tips and tricks

We recently took a 10 day vacation to "the Mainland" (what islanders call the Continental U.S.) and this way by far the longest trip we've taken as a family yet. I was a bit apprehensive being away for so long but my husband's work schedule is quite hectic so when he gave me the go ahead, I booked it! Here are some traveling tips I've learned and things I would definitely do again:

1. If your wallet allows for it, book extra comfort seats.
We exclusively fly with Hawaiian Airlines and booked row 11 on a previous trip and loved it. Row 11 on the Airbus A330 allows for extra leg room (so much so, with my back against the seat I could barely touch the wall with my feet). This allowed my 3 year old to play on the floor, walk around (or jump around), and even go spend time with dad who was seated in the seat across the aisle from us. As an added bonus, we were right behind first class so there were no seats in front of us, and right in front of the exit door so no seats behind us. This still allowed our seat backs to recline and we each had a personal tv monitor built into the arm rest.

2. Milk is provided on the plane
Like most planes, complimentary coffee is served. So, since my son had a ticket of his own and doesn't drink coffee (I don't know what kid does) I asked for milk. This was a lifesaver because there was nothing more my son wanted than some good ole milk and we all know the airport charges an arm and a leg for ANYTHING!

3. Car seats and strollers fly free
Car seats and strollers are a pain to lug around but this is a necessity. We always check-in our car seat free of charge. We use a car seat bag to protect the seat and found this car seat bag by JEEP to work perfectly for our Britax seat. This time around we decided to gate check our stroller. It's a big hit or miss when my son decides he wants to walk so we took the stroller as far as we could just in case. This worked for the busy airports or when we needed to walk at an adult speed to get to our gate.

4. Bring familiar toys and some new toys for the trip
I don't know what we would have done if we didn't have my son's beloved Mickey Mouse with us. He usually just sleeps with Mickey and doesn't come out of the house but we allowed him to tag along everywhere we went. Yes, he came everywhere with us! From the theme parks, to the grocery store, Mickey was our 2nd child. Having Mickey around offered a sense of security for my son in an unfamiliar environment so we were ok with the extra accommodations that needed to be made for our stuffed mouse.
About 2 hours into the plane ride I could tell my son was already getting bored of the toys he had. Luckily, we left the day after Christmas which allowed for some new toys. He loved being able to play with something he's never played with before and this allowed for some extra shut eyes for mommy and daddy.

5. Show your kid some videos of where you're going beforehand to spark their interest
My husband was great at looking up YouTube videos on the various cities and theme parks we were planning on attending. This allowed us to see if our son would be interested in going to these places and also got to start getting him excited for it. My son is a big Blippi fan and I don't know how many times he's seen the Kinderland and Children's Discovery Center visits in Las Vegas, NV. My son thought it was so fun to go where Blippi went and we even used it as an incentive for good behavior.

Dinner at Cafe Lani Hawaii

The other night my husband and I decided to try out the fairly new Cafe Lani at the Ala Moana shopping center. We've heard mixed reviews on it and it only received 3 stars on Yelp so we were a bit skeptical. To our surprise it was great and can't wait to go back again to try new dishes. For now, here's my thoughts on our experience:

Restaurant itself:
Came here on a Friday night around 7:00 and the wait was 30-40 min. Very limited seating in the waiting area hence that's why you see people standing outside the restaurant almost all the time. Inside the feel is very chic and a cute spot featuring patterned wallpaper and bright white leafless tree structures. Because the restaurant is also a bakery the smell is great! Super cute feel to it.

Service:
Our server was friendly and was very helpful with her suggestions. However, during the meal it was difficult to find her and when we did, she wasn't very available to us.

Food:
My husband got the Fedelini Porcini Cream Sauce set which included: Porcini cream pasta, green salad, clam chowder (or french onion soup), and a small Lani pizza. The porcini cream pasta was by far my most favorite dish. It wasn't too much cream for those who are lactose intollerant and the flavors blended together nicely. The green salad was your typical salad with an Asian style vinaigrette dressing. We opted for clam chowder which was just average and the pizza was nothing out of the ordinary. For $25.00 I feel the price was well worth it.

I opted for the Porcini Gratin with Italian sausage and roasted potato set which included: Porcini mushroom, potato, Italian sausage, roasted tomato, mini salad, mini strawberry parfait (chocolate is also an option), and all you can eat bread. This is featured in their Fall Seasonal menu. The main dish had penne pasta and was baked. The cream sauce was on the thicker side so if you're lactose intollerant you may want to approach this dish with caution. The salad was the same as my husband's, and the mini strawberry parfait was a nice topper. Now remember how my set came with all you can eat bread? Well, before we got our meal our server initially came out in the beginning with three different types of bread (see picture), but as the meal went on no one offered us any more bread. The table next to us kept getting asked if they wanted bread but for some reason everyone kept skipping over us. I had to flag down the bread servers a few times to try the different types they were offering. However, the bread was nice and warm and they were all very tasty. For $22.50 I feel my set was worth the price.

Mama Bear Input:
Bright lighting so it may be a little difficult for your little one to get some zzz's. It's a little noisey but what restaurant isn't. Stoller parking is up front next to the hostess stand. Kids menu available!

Overall:
My overall impression of this place exceeded my expectation. Don't you just love when that happens? I would rate this place a 4 out of 5. The wait time wasn't too bad considering it was prime dinner time on a Friday night and the food was up to par. However, the service could have been a little better. For a complete list of their menu and oferrings, visit their website at http://www.cafelanihawaii.com/#

Cute wall decor

Fedelini Porcini Cream Set

Porcini Gratin main dish

First round of free bread with dipping sauces in the background

Mini strawberry parfait