LIFE - The people who surround you

Do you have people in your life that make you so nervous you don't know how to act? Whenever you're around them you're afraid of saying the wrong thing or you say things that don't really make sense? What is it about those kinds of people that make us do that to ourselves? Are they not supposed to be in our lives? Or were they purposefully put their to help us to adapt, to grow, to challenge ourselves? So many questions and I don't know if we'll ever find the answers.

Everyone has two selfs. The first self is the self we feel most comfortable with. The one who can look crazy, act crazy, and has no filter. This is the transparent or true self. We usually put this self on when we're alone or around people we feel most comfortable with. Then, there's the other self. This self has feelings of insecurity, shyness, and for the most part reserved. For me, this self comes out when I meet people for the first time, when I'm around surface people, or when I feel like I'm being judged. I don't like when my other self comes out. I wish my true self was the only self I carried around. Sometimes it doesn't even need to be a whole group of people that make me change my self. Sometimes, it only takes one person to bring out my other self. I don't like being fake and yet it feels like when my other self comes out it's not genuine. It's not truly me. When I was younger, boys I liked would do this to me. Now, it's certain people.

They say, as you get older, it's a lot harder to find and keep good friends. I've found this to be true over and over again. There are some friends who are friends for a season, and others who stay in your life even after months of not knowing what each other is up to. Those are my true self friends and those are the people I like to surround myself with. The kind of people that no matter what, no matter how long it's been since you've caught up, they continue to make an effort to stay in your life. Yes, we all get busy and life only gets busier as we get older, true self friends call you or send you a text every so often just to say hello or ask how your week went. I don't regret only having a few true self friends and many other self acquaintances. I actually think that's the way it's supposed to be. Your true self friends are supposed to help bring out your transparent self and your other self acquaintances help you work on your other self.

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